#33: Dear Julie… Rejection help?
Wednesday 8/14/24
DEAR JULIE: “I’m struggling to handle rejection. It’s starting to mess with my head. I’ve been at this for several years and have only booked a few jobs but at smaller theatres and I’ve never been in a show at an equity theatre or been seriously considered for a mid level job. Any reframes or help you can offer?”
I'm not really into sugar coating these days, so I'm simply going to first start out by saying… That sucks. I'm sure that feels very shitty… I've certainly been there. You are probably questioning a lot about your ability, your work ethic, your preparedness, your connections,… And at some point you might even be wondering if this is a career you should continue pursuing. I've had all those thoughts… We've all been there.
Now that you know you're not gonna get a “you’re great hold your head high” or “rejection is redirection” speech for me. Let's move onto the actual advice that's helped me in the past.
One thing that has really helped me in the last few years is thinking about my auditions a little differently than I have in the past. I've stopped considering something an "audition" for a first round, open call, or unsolicited appointment audition. I simply don't consider those “auditions”. I also don't consider initial selftapes or selftape submissions an audition.
Let me explain. A self tape or showing up to an open call, to me, is the equivalent of just simply attending the audition. It's the same as showing up, getting in line, and not being seen…or even if you ARE seen. This is especially true for self tape submissions.
EPAs, ECCs, open calls, self tapes - they are nice, but to me it is NOT an “audition”. This helps my brian because just showing up doesn’t mean you are actually in the mix. I’m “in the mix” once i get an appointment or a callback. THEN it is an audition. “Oh yes, I auditioned for that”. But if I go to a Wicked EPA and get seen, I do not consider that an audition. If i get a callback, it’s an audition.
This is a really simple and easy reframe to do so that you're really telling yourself what you were actually being considered for. Everything else is just showing up and knocking on the door. When they show interest in me… I consider that an actual audition.
Another thing you can do is try to switch up your representation if you have an agent. Or maybe have a really serious conversation with them about what they think might be holding you back. If you think your agent isn't really putting you out there then that's a different conversation and it might be time to move on. People do outgrow agents at some point and you just have to be brave enough to make a switch. If you don't have an agent… That should be something that I would consider top priority before attending any other auditions.
Now… I'm gonna ask a tough question… Are you in class? Are you in dance classes at least once a week? Are you taking a voice lesson either weekly, biweekly or once a month if that's what you can afford? When was the last time you took an actual acting class in a group setting? And no, I don't mean Actor Therapy. I mean a real scene study or monologue study class with 8 to 12 other people for several months in a row. Continuing study must be part of your budget like rent & groceries. You have to be honest with yourself here because you should be progressing each time you have a class and giving you more skills and ammunition to hone your craft.
And the final thing I'll offer is if you've done all of those things maybe work with an audition coach like me or somebody who does what I do. A lot of the time material that you bring into audition rooms whether it's songs or monologues has a tendency to not get coached over time. There might be something glaringly obvious about your auditioning skills or your technical/execution skills themselves that is not aligning that someone might be able to give you a fresh perspective on.
You say you been at this for several years, but I don't know if that means three or four years or 10+ years. A lot of the time people grow into the roles they're supposed to be playing and sometimes people go years without a real job in this business. I don't necessarily think that's abnormal… If you've had a few jobs, that is a good thing and indicates that something you were doing at the time really worked.
Please remember so much of this business has little to do with talent.
Everybody's talented at some point.
Your network and your connections are such a vital tool. Maybe try to do a show in New York… I don't need a big show like at city center or Broadway of course lol but why don't you try to get involved with one of the local groups like the Secret Theater in Long Island, The Gallery Players in Brooklyn, and other theaters like that. They may not pay you, but you'll get exposure to people who will go on to do other things. When I did a show with The Gallery Players, I made some lifelong connections and one of them even runs the Ogunquit Playhouse up and Maine now!
Keep your head up! But do something about it, too.
Dreams Don’t Die
Julie