#66: I'm Having a Breakdown

Monday 9/30/24

Moving on. 

This is something I am so good at usually. The second I’m done with an audition, I can live in the excitement of how well it went (if it did, in fact, go well lol) and I’m happy to share that with a friend or two, but then within a few hours it truly is behind me. I’m good at this because I simply have too much experience with being so close to the job and not getting it. If I’m able to go in for a callback for Wicked for the 17th time and move on, certainly I can for smaller jobs. 

And normally, I’m ok to do this. My brain is totally clear. If I’m supposed to hear something, I’ll hear something. Maybe I’ll check auditionupdate to see if offers are out, but I won’t spend too much time or energy there. 

Until last week. 

Ok, that’s a tad dramatic. I just wanted to share this because I truly do believe that we all have vulnerable and emotional times as an actor. Now, I’m even writing this, because of how crazy it made me, without any info as to whether or not it’s over for me! I could still get this job. 

I had an audition last week for a show I really want. A job I really want. A role that I’ve already played, is a small enough role that even at a prestigious theatre they don’t “need” a broadway name. That’s an important part because I haven’t gotten a few Paulette jobs in the last few years at smaller theatres because they were able to cast someone with several broadway shows. For THIS role, I think I can swing it because of how it’s essentially a featured ensemble part. 

I tried to step away, I tried to go to the gym, watch a show, lock in at work, go for a walk lol. None of it worked, getting that call has been plaguing my mind for a week. I don’t need to come up with a plan fo next time. I’m simply sharing. 

So, now you know how anxious I really am haha. But even for someone who is good about this, doesn’t mean I always am. We are human, that’s what makes our art interesting. We are complex. 

Dreams Don’t Die

Julie